The Swimsuit

Please do tell - what is the web address for the "Old Ladies Swimsuits"?? I need the kind of suit that has a crane on each shoulder to retrieve the boobs that are visiting the equator and keep them in the northern hemisphere! 

Where oh where do I find one??!

My bathing suits arrived yesterday. I put on a brave face, stripped, and one by one tried on the suits. The process almost came to a halt with the first suit!! It was one where the straps crisscrossed in the back! I thought the X straps would ensure a tighter fit through the chest and keep the boobs in place.

Whoa, Nellie! There appear to be several conditions that must be met for this suit to "grace" your body! 

1. Must be sober 

2. Must be clear-minded, No brain fog allowed

3. Need a college education

Since I didn't meet all the above conditions it took me a while to figure out how to put this suit on. Once on, it fit ok, good coverage, wasn't riding up, would be good for water aerobics. But wait, postpone that Happy Dance !  There was absolutely nothing holding up the boobs! Next suit, and so it went!  I tried on the top for the two-piece suit and that was a closer fit.  I think if I order a smaller size, the suit will be tighter and the boobs will have a better chance of being upstairs.

I had one more suit to try on. I thought what is the point? - it's a one-piece!! And it was the old fashioned one piece - no crisscrossing straps - easy to put on and take off - (what a concept)!  I thought what is going to keep the boobs where they are supposed to be?  I humored myself and tried it on.  OMG!  It fits!!  And the boobs stayed on the first floor. Hallelujah! With the swim skirt cover up - it's a go!

Beware - if you need a sip (okay, a gallon of wine ) before you go swimsuit shopping — beware it may inhibit your ability to figure out how to get into these "new-fangled" suits!!!!

I'm still recovering from my stressful session!